I got a feather boa / And a robot car / I’m a future A-bear / And a former porn star / I’m a White Party King / I’m a hung daddy top / I’m the boy next door / I’m an undercover cop

Give em what they pay for / No one gets the real you /That guy who’s got it all / He’s more fucked up than you

I’m always on the list / I’m friends with Madonna / I was Mr Valley Pride / I’ll do anything you wanna

I’m better than you…./ But I’m crying

I was a fat kid / I was pushed around / I was never enough / That’s why I’m putting you down / I wanna die / I was a nice guy / I wanna die/ If I can’t be that guy


I’m gonna shut down / Pull the blinds down / And hide away for me / Find me a rabbit hole / A bunker built to save my soul / And what’s important to me

Just my dogs, just my dogs and me

I’m very bored of my own inner dialog / I’d rather be simple, happy like my dogs / Get your dull chatter out of my gray matter / Please

I’m gonna shy away / From petty things that people say / To save a bit of me / Find my inner circle crew / And take em where ‘m going to / For an evolved party

Friends and booze, friends and booze, and me.

I’m stoned in the sun listening to FUZZ / Deaf to all you say / On a canyon run with my Dozer son / And everything’s ok


I began my drinkin / When I was just a pup / Got my first paycheck / Bought a drinkin cup / Booze motivates me / Any gig I can grab /Save up my earnings / To pay my bar tab

Old frosty mug / You keep me drunk / I get a job, I fill you up / Old Frosty Mug / You’re mighty fine / I’ll keep you full / On my own dime

When times are rough / Screw the rent / That hot bartender / Gets my last cent

In years gone by / You’ve been my only friend / My liver and I love you / It’s Valentines day again / My mug and I are drinkin’ champs / We found a bar that takes food stamps / E! B! T!


I got my Lady Q / From Miss Annie Lee / I’m gonna wash her down / With a Long Island Tea / Feelin’ warm and fuzzy / Dancing horny in my head / Bumpin thru the crowd / Like a teenage Joan Jett

I miss Quaaludes / That fucked up fuzzy funtime / Is the best I ever knew / I miss Quaaludes

I made out with 20 people / Danced with a hundred more / Played chicken out on main street / I’m a filthy Quaalude whore / I keep hearing rumors / Coming down the track / Switzerland! Singapore! / Bring my sweet lover back

Quaaludes! Yeah Dude! Quaaludes


P-town freeze and drown / Founding fathers coming down / Hell no, I won’t go / To that place / Hell no I won’t go / It’s a bad place / Cranky bears five feet around / Fuck off skinny you’re going down / Fat Heathers should know better


I know it’s based / On some dumb story / Supposed to be allegory / The liar, the bastard and the fool / All I know is Xmas ain’t cool

I hate Xmas / Deck my balls / I hate Xmas / Fuck you all

Who’s the fat guy in the red sweater? / For creepy pedos, Dahmer was better / Flying reindeer and busy elves? / Xmas lovers, go fuck yourselves

Wrapping gifts that are yours not mine / Lonely folks at closing time / Hauling a huge tree right inside / Is this when that dude was born or died?

Thank fuck it’s only once a year / Hey Santa, bring me a fuckin’ beer

Don’t give me gifts, I don’t want em / Eggnog and pudding are fucking rotten / If I see you in a holiday coat / I’m gonna kick you in the fucking throat


Punk rock music is the best / Beat your fists against my chest / Garage metal and punk rock / Work best on my cock / We need to feel the hardcore when it’s real / Get your dirty self up to speed / Chew Toy attack’s gonna make you bleed / Corner us and we’ll come out fighting / Feed us, you’ll enjoy the biting / Sharpen your teeth, girls and boys / We are Chew Toys

Ursa major and Ursa minor / No dance beat, no synthesizer / Sledgehammer beat on the double / Chew Toys are your punk rock thruple


I’m all over your shit / I got you wrapped up nice and tight / I’m all over your shit / I’m going heavy when you want it light

I’m your leather sweater / I’m ink and fur and salt and sweat uh huh

I’m all over your shit / I am the one that you think of first / I’m all over your shit / I’m gonna edge you til you fuckin’ burst

I’m all over your shit / Like the rainstorm that covers this town / I’m all over your shit / I’m the king that will wear your crown


Te gustan los hombres maduros / Aiy, que fascinante / Tengo noticias para ti, mijo / Nosotros dos, no saldremos juntos

Oye mijo / No soy tu papi / Aiy cabron / No soy tu pinche pops

Aiy mijo / Vete de aqui / Tu tratas mucho! / Miley Cyrus no es una artista / Dubstep no es avant garde

Aiy papi me compras una cerveza / NO GUEY / Aiy papi abrasa me / NO GUEY / Aiy papi ven aqui / NO GUEY / Aiy papi eres un pinche joto! / ¡CHINGATE!

Eres muy attractivo / Pero conosco tus engaños / Yo tambien fue veinte dos / En el ochente seis!


Well he’s a barndancin’ bastard / Reviled and revered / He’ll give you a workin’ over / If you’re 45 with a beard / He rounds up all the cowboys / Sooner than they reckoned /  He rides em on the first date  / And buries em on the second

And he’s slow slow quick quick slow / He’s Larry Larry Larry of the rodeo

Hey boy keep your eye out / He’s more snake than rattle / Hell, before you know it / That’s him in your saddle / He likes it down and dirty / Ain’t got no need for words / And if you get to ride him / You’re gonna need spurs

Arizona gives him a boner / But Texas is where the sex is / Get on his dance card / Because he’s ever, ever hard

Now you’ve heard the story / Of our dancin’ man / Grab a hold of Larry / And two step while you can / Like all good cowboys / Larry’s got two morals / Be versatile at butt sex / Be famous for your oral


Greggy was a sick pup / With a heart of gold / Twisted for a youngster / Impossible to hold / Drinkin’ til the brownout / Playin’ guitar and drums / You think he’s pretty now? / You should see him when he…

Honeydew! You wanna? / Take me to the Fenns! / Honey, do you wanna / Meet some Red Sox Men? / Honey do you wanna / Hang out at Roy’s / Can’t get enough of those / Beantown boys

Kevin was a copper / We met in the Pines / Took him to a rooftop / Worked off some fines / He lived in Methuen / He lived with his mom / He was into edging /  Under the gun

Graham wasn’t born there / And they made him leave / Voice so sexy / I forgot to breathe / You should hear it / Velvety soft / He used it to get me / And then it got me off

I’m coming down 84 / I’m coming like I did before / You and me together soon / Grab a table at Kowloon

Mikey’s not a lover / But no one’s just a friend / Fuzziest bastard / In the North End / Thunderbird eyebrows / Swan boat smile / He moved to LA now / Says it’s better by a mile


Iphone bright zipper / Chinese big dipper / Being a seditionist / Running from the communists / No pic no chat / Online in China / Beard beard beard beard / Just be polite


It’s been a rough year / Some friends who began it / Are no longer here / Bill and Terry died / The other bastards lied / At times, there wasn’t enough beer / I’m missing my friends / Who helped me belong / Nothing stays too good or too bad / For too long

Couldn’t hold down a job / I’m apparently worthless / And somewhat unskilled / Paintin’ houses white / Mowin lawns outside / And phone support finally lost its thrill / I can’t make rent / My connections are wrong / Nothing stays too good or too bad / For too long

This year had some great times / But karma priced em high / Sixty five good days / Three hundred stingers / It feels like karma bled me dry / These little silver linings / Helped me get along / Nothing stays too good or too bad / For too long

Nobody believes a healthy junkie / Nobody trusts a skinny drunk / Who’s to say you’re any smarter / Listening to this middle aged punk?

Let’s bury this year behind us / And turn things for the better / An unmarked grave / One lucky break / We’ll beat the world together / I couldn’t keep from crying  / So I wrote it in a song / Nothing stays too good or too bad / For too long

All songs written by K. Dickson/J. Tagliapietra (BMI)

© Noise Barn Records 2014




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